Lesson - Looking out for number 1
From the moment we are born we begin to look out for number 1 and we think that everything revolves around us. As we grow older, especially in our teen years we believe that everything happens in our world for us.
I have learned that the most successful marriages happen when each spouse understands that looking out for number one is essential. You may not understand at this point so let me fill you in, number one is not you, it's your spouse. I would like to say that I have completely learned this lesson, however I have learned that it is one of the toughest lessons to master.
When I place the needs of Tina over myself it exhibits my love for her. I wish I could take credit for learning this lesson, however it has been at the feet of my wonderful wife that I have learned sacrifice and care for the one you say you love. Tina has taught me over these 25 years what it means to look out for number one.
Since our first day together Tina has sacrificed and given way beyond what I could have expected. Here's an example: I am traveling this week to a conference in Southern California. To make this trip a success I needed clothes for the week. Tina put me above herself to make sure I had everything I needed. She is awesome.
Unfortunately I counsel so many couples who have never learned much less practiced the lesson of Looking our for number 1. I would encourage you to try it, I will promise you will love the results. Oh, by the way, if you put your spouse first just to get something, you will find it doesn't work. You must have clear motives to find this lesson to be successful.
Lesson - Ability isn't equal to Stability
This lesson came early on in our marriage. It came at a time when my health was failing and my job situation was less than successful. As I lamented during this time, Tina assured me she was ok, however I could tell she was struggling.
As men we get our status and self confidence from our job and what we do. What I found is that Tina wasn't so concerned about what I did, but she really wanted to be assured of me being there for the long haul. Stability is what she desired more than anything else. In these 25 years my number one goal in being a good spouse is to assure her that I would be there and I would provide a stable home.
For women the home is their place of security. Their natural bent is to provide a safe place, a clean place, a warm place and a comforting place for their spouse and children. Sometimes we think that a home is a specific location with a house and furniture, however I have learned that home is not so much about the house and furniture as it is about the family that lives in the house. Through the years I have seen many who have a nice house, but no home. They have all the things that fill a house, but lack the peace that comes from being a family that is stable.
Stability is about commitment. In Biblical times a commitment between two people was called a covenant. David and Johnathan covenanted together, God made a covenant with Abraham. Covenants marked a stable relationship built on mutual commitment. Today our marriages resemble contracts and contracts can be broken, therefore marriage is a short term relationship at best. Is your marriage a stable covenant commitment that will make it until death do you part?
Until next time I pray you will begin to consider some of these lessons and allow God to build into your life a marriage that will stand the test of time.
I am praying for each of you! If you are married I pray for your marriage. If you are singles I pray that God leads you to the spouse He has planned for you. God bless you all!
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