25 Years and Counting Part 3

This is the third part of a multi-part blog post sharing with you the top 25 (maybe more to come) things I have learned in my 25 years of marriage.  As I drove into the office this morning it hit me, I am old.  To have been married for 25 year puts me up in the years age wise.  I also pondered the fact that fewer marriages in today's world make it to the 25 year mark.  It is my prayer that Tina and I both live to see another 25 years together, in fact I can't imagine it not being so.

I pray that you enjoy these postings, but also pray that God might use them to strengthen you own marriage.  You can be sure of one thing I am praying for our married couples that we could become an example to the world around us when it comes to great marriages.

Lesson: Forgive as you want to be forgiven

Forgiveness is something we all are in need of daily.   Not only do we need forgiveness from God, mostly due to our selfish desire, but we need forgiveness in our relationships.  When it comes to forgiveness we to often are quick to forgive friends, family and acquaintances and slow to forgive our spouse.

It occurred to me that when it comes to enjoying a good relationship with Tina I must learn to forgive as I would want to forgive.  Listen to what the Bible says about it:

Luke 6:31 (MSG)

³¹ "Here is a simple rule of thumb for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you; then grab the initiative and do it for them!

How do you want the love of your life to act when you offend them.  If you want them to hold on to hurts and pains you have caused in their lives, then you do the same thing.  Hurts and pains left unattended will cause infections that lead to amputation.  It is common when counseling to see in marriage places that have been amputated due to unforgiveness.

The Bible also talks about forgiveness this way:
Matthew 6:14-15 (MSG)
¹⁴ "In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can't get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. ¹⁵ If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God's part.
To help you in translation, if you refuse to forgive then it will be impossible for God to forgive you.


Lesson - Forget the past

A lesson I have learned that goes hand in hand with forgiveness is to forget.  I once saw a sketch by Nicole Johnson about keeping score.  In the sketch both husband and wife carried around notepads with tallies of each wrong the other committed during the day.  At the end of the day the tally was compared and discussed.

Since sports are at the forefront of our society it is very easy to learn to keep score.  To hold on to those things that people do to you and then protect ourselves from every being hurt again.  The unfortunate thing about this mentality is it leads to isolation.  We build walls of protections preventing others from getting close to us.


If you are going to make it 25 years in any relationship we have to learn to let go of the past.  Forget it!  For some that may be the hardest thing to do in life, however when we do it frees us up to love in the right way.

I can remember a very difficult time in Tina and my marriage, a time when it almost ended.  It was my fault, I did some stupid things, broke trust and hurt Tina really bad.  It has taken years to repair the damage.  If Tina chooses to hold onto the past and not forget it will place stumbling blocks in our path to intimacy and growth as a couple.  To forget the past allows us to move forward and love as we should.


God is the greatest example of one who forgets, listen:
Hebrews 8:12 (MSG)
¹² They'll get to know me by being kindly forgiven, with the slate of their sins forever wiped clean.

I don't know about you, but I for one am glad God wiped my slate clean!