25 Years and Counting Part 1

As many of you know on Feb. 23 Tina and I will have been married for 25 years.  Just the other day somebody asked me how we did it, and then asked for some advice.  I thought about that and decided to share with you at least 25 things I have learned over these amazing years with the bride of my youth.

Let me first tell you that I am incredibly in love with Tina.  I can most assuredly tell you that I love her more today than I did when I married her, guess it just works that way.  In fact if you don't love your spouse more today, then you are not working at it. So lets get going! 

I would be naive to think that I have learned all there is about marriage and I beginning to realizing that I have a long way to go, but it is my sincere desire to take what I have learned and encourage others in their marriage.

Let me set some ground rules for my sharing:
1. These are not in order chronologically.
2. I didn't learn all these in the first 5-10 years, most took longer (I am slow like that).
3. You may not have to learn all of these as I did.  How you were raised will determine that.
4. Marriage is hard and it takes work, I love the work if you are asking.
5. A healthy successful marriage begins with God at the center.
6. I gave each lesson a unique name and posted thoughts to help make my point.

Lesson One -  The Gambler Lesson

Kenny Rogers released a song some years ago called the Gambler.  For those of you old enough to remember the song you will recognize the chorus:
                      You got to know when to hold 'em,
                      Know when to fold 'em,
                      Know when to walk away,
                      Know when to run.
                      You don't count your money,
                      While your sittin' at the table,
                      There will time enough for counting when the dealin's done.

So what does this have to do with Marriage?

As I have counseled many who were on their way to the chapel to say, "I do's", I have learned a most important lesson, we all have to be good at Gambling.

Marriage begins with the game we call dating.  I will be the first to tell you that dating is a flawed system and in my counsel today I encourage a modified dating system for singles.  What I find so often is during the dating process the biggest mistakes are made.  You have to do what the song says, know when!

So many people today marry for the wrong reasons and wake up one day realizing that they made an enormous mistake, mistakes that will cost them their future. 

A wise gambler will know the rules of the table and know when his investment is taking him further than he is willing to go.  Go with me here a little.  When you have a bad hand you can either fold or bluff.  So many today attempt a bluff out of fear of being alone, or their clock was ticking beyond the "acceptable" time, maybe even due to pressure from parents.  However when you bluff, you have to be willing to stand on the hand.  A wiser choice would be to fold 'em and walk away and yes sometimes you need to run (P.S. Some of you need to learn to listen to those who love you and listen to the advise given by those who care).

Quite honestly in today's sexually raged society the only consideration one has in dating is to fulfil a very selfish need of physical gratification with no consideration of what is lost.  If you know your opponent (Satan) has two Aces in his hand and is playing as a cheat (another Ace under the table) you wouldn't bet all in.  But tragically so many jump without considering the consequences and their hand couldn't win under any circumstance.

The Gambler Lesson helps us to see how important it is to allow God to lead you to the wife/husband He designed for you.  Don't settle for second best, wait and allow God to bring you the best.

Before going on one might ask this question: What do you do when you realize you made a bad decision?  Easy - Honor God by honoring your commitment, ask God to give you a heart of love for the one you said you love, ultimately remember God allows do-overs and when we are faithful, He is faithful (I didn't mean in that we can walk away, once you are all in and it's time to show your cards you are at the mercy of your decision, suck it up and do the right thing).

Lesson Two - Don't get even, get even

Depending on how you were raised will determine how you fight.  Every good marriage has it's fights.  I have often heard some exclaim that they never have fights in their marriage.  One of two things is true of those marriages: 1) You never talk and/or 2) You never spend time together.  If you are breathing and you are in a relationship with another human there will be conflict.  Most men just agreed with that statement and I would go further by saying every man needs a good woman to teach him how to have conflict (just kidding ladies).

It is important to consider as well that men and women fight differently.  When men fight they can beat the fool out of each other, shake hands and go on with life as normal.  But women when they fight it's for keeps.  Two women will beat, pull hair, pinch and scream at one another, it never ends and goes on to eternity.   They hate one another forever.  Knowing this helps you be a better husband, trust me on that one.

Conflict in marriage is normal, how you resolve that conflict is critical to your making it beyond the 5-10 year mark.  The thing missing from most marriages is premarital counseling that teaches couples how to resolve conflict.  The Bible gives us one small nugget of truth that when we heed it we will find success: 

Ephesians 4:26-27 (MSG)
²⁶ Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't go to bed angry. ²⁷ Don't give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.



So what do I mean by Don't get even, get even.  When conflict comes into your relationship you have to lower yourself to a point of submission to admit that any conflict that gets out of control is sinful and does not represent Christ and His love for us.  The Bible teaches us to turn the other cheek, to go the extra mile.  When we do this we exhibit the work of Christ in our lives.


Get even by allowing yourself to look at the circumstances surrounding the conflict and determine what will be helpful too resolve the conflict.  Once you slow down and seek to resolve conflict you will be capable of becoming a peacemaker.  Scripture say:
Matthew 5:9 (MSG)
⁹ "You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.



That's about it for today.  I hope to post more in the days to come.  I truly pray this encourages and help you build a lasting relationship as examples of Christ unfailing love.

It’s Not About You

I am posting to everyone Mark Waltz Best Practice #26. As I read this again today it was an encouragement as to what we do , Not only on Sunday, but each day.

Guest Services Best Practice #26: It’s Not About You
Accept it. It's not about you. Not completely.
Around Granger there probably was a time when it was all about you. The cafe
was about you. The shuttles were about you. The kids' launch zone slides were
about you. The smoke and lights and music was about you.
But, after you've been around awhile, after you've agreed to join the mission we
share - it's not about you.
it's about others. Others who aren't here yet or who are new to our church.
After being around a bit, you become a "regular", even a member. It's easy to let a
sense of entitlement settle in. You can start to wonder "what's in it for me?" You
can wish the music was more your style; think the cafe should carry your brand of
coffee.
But joining the mission of the church isn't about entitlement or comfort. It's about
shared responsibility. It's about sacrifice. It's about others.
Others who'll take our parking spot, our favorite seat, and the attention of the
guest services teams.
Yep. That's right.
You in? It's not about you.
It's about Jesus and the others he died for, too.

I hope this encouraged you too!

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Seems to be a lot of...

wondering what to do in the New Year. I want you to consider the last thing God asked you to do. Were you faithful to complete it? "Oh but this is a new year, all is wiped clean." Sure... consider the words of Paul. Here he is addressing the Philippians as he is imprisoned. Many thought this would stop him from sharing the message but it didn't.

Philippians 1:18-21 So how am I to respond? I've decided that I really don't care about their motives, whether mixed, bad, or indifferent. Every time one of them opens his mouth, Christ is proclaimed, so I just cheer them on! And I'm going to keep that celebration going because I know how it's going to turn out. Through your faithful prayers and the generous response of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, everything he wants to do in and through me will be done. I can hardly wait to continue on my course. I don't expect to be embarrassed in the least. On the contrary, everything happening to me in this jail only serves to make Christ more accurately known, regardless of whether I live or die. They didn't shut me up; they gave me a pulpit! Alive, I'm Christ's messenger; dead, I'm his bounty. Life versus even more life! I can't lose.
22-26As long as I'm alive in this body, there is good work for me to do.

"Paul was determined that nothing would stop him from doing exactly what God wanted.
But before we choose to follow God’s will, a crisis must develop in our lives. This happens because we tend to be unresponsive to God’s gentler nudges. He brings us to the place where He asks us to be our utmost for Him and we begin to debate. He then providentially produces a crisis where we have to decide— for or against. That moment becomes a great crossroads in our lives. If a crisis has come to you on any front, surrender your will to Jesus absolutely and irrevocably." Oswald Chambers

If God has called you to do something and you have not completed it, he isn't gonna give you something new just because of the calendar change. Pick yourself up and put your foot forward into 2010 and follow through!

2010

Hello everyone this is a continuation of my last post New Year New Decade. For Christmas I received/bought the by Primal by Mark Batterson. Mark is the Lead Pastor at National Community Church in Washington D.C. This book talks about finding the lost Soul of Christianity and getting back to the Greatest Commandment: to love the Lord with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength (Matt. 22:36-40). I recommend this book to anyone in need of a restoration or refreshment in their life.

In the book Mark talks about God sized dreams. One of National Community Churches God sized dreams was to open a coffee house on Capitol Hill and today that coffee house named Ebenezer’s nets around $100,000 and all of that money goes to missions. What was even bigger about this dream is that the building that the coffee house is in was not cheap. The asking price for the building was around a million dollars, long story short they purchased that building for around $300,000. NCC had a God sized dream and He made sure that dream was going to happen.

So what are your God sized dreams that you want to reaching in 2010, 2011, 2012, etc. Go for them. In a time when people are talking about New Year’s resolutions, start talking about God sized dreams. In church world every church has a vision and the same should be true for your life. What is your vision? After all where there is no vision, you will perish (Proverbs 29:18).

Below I am posting my vision for my life in 2010 and the future. I hope it helps you get some ideas on where God may spark some of those God-sized dreams in your life.

My New Year’s RESOLVE!

I will not let career come before family.

I will not love my job more than my home.

I will not Choose to spend more time on “my” ministry…whilst forgetting my number ONE ministry at home.

I will not give my laptop more face time then my family…NO MATTER WHAT cool Apps come out that demand my attention.

I will not let fear or selfish ambition drive my decisions…nor seek to make my name great…under the cover of “ministry”

However….

I WILL spend more time in God’s word as an answer to our World’s “economy” issues, as an answer to fear of the future, as an answer on how to be the best dad I can, the best husband I can be, the best servant I can be, and as the guide for living the life He has called me to.

I WILL give My Saviour the glory in all things that He entrusts to me this year.

I WILL lead worship as a lead worshiper and out of the overflow of what He is doing in my heart and in my life as person of humility that realizes I am FIRST in line for making mistakes and falling short…as well as realizing I am not exempt from the things I say from the stage and continue to remember…WORSHIP is “so much more than a song!”

I WILL love my family, guard my heart, Laugh as much as possible, Hug and kiss my girls (and new baby) every day, Talk to my parents no less than once a week.

I WILL Make a HUGE deal of my 7th year anniversary to my wife and best friend Melissa!

I WILL sing and shout His fame with every opportunity I’m given…both on and off the stage…in how I conduct myself at the grocery store, in traffic, at home….as well as in front of people when it’s convenient.

I WILL boast in Jesus, even when my flesh and shortcomings, and strait up male stupidness make this list another failure to add to my already growing list in the years gone by!

14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:14-21

All of the above… is my hope and prayer for 2010.

See ya Sunday
Mickey

Oswald Today

December 29, 2009
Deserter or Disciple?

From that time many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more —John 6:66When God, by His Spirit through His Word, gives you a clear vision of His will, you must "walk in the light" of that vision ( 1 John 1:7 ). Even though your mind and soul may be thrilled by it, if you don’t "walk in the light" of it you will sink to a level of bondage never envisioned by our Lord. Mentally disobeying the "heavenly vision" ( Acts 26:19 ) will make you a slave to ideas and views that are completely foreign to Jesus Christ. Don’t look at someone else and say, "Well, if he can have those views and prosper, why can’t I?" You have to "walk in the light" of the vision that has been given to you. Don’t compare yourself with others or judge them— that is between God and them. When you find that one of your favorite and strongly held views clashes with the "heavenly vision," do not begin to debate it. If you do, a sense of property and personal right will emerge in you— things on which Jesus placed no value. He was against these things as being the root of everything foreign to Himself— ". . . for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses" ( Luke 12:15 ). If we don’t see and understand this, it is because we are ignoring the underlying principles of our Lord’s teaching.

Our tendency is to lie back and bask in the memory of the wonderful experience we had when God revealed His will to us. But if a New Testament standard is revealed to us by the light of God, and we don’t try to measure up, or even feel inclined to do so, then we begin to backslide. It means your conscience does not respond to the truth. You can never be the same after the unveiling of a truth. That moment marks you as one who either continues on with even more devotion as a disciple of Jesus Christ, or as one who turns to go back as a deserter.

New Year, New Decade

Hello Fellowship Peeps,

We have come to the end of another year and the end of a decade. When I look back on what this past decade has brought us I’m flat out floored, just think: 9/11, War, Corporate America in turmoil, Saddam Hussein was executed, Apple Computers resurgence with the invention of the Ipod(Thank You Jesus), Social Networking (facebook, myspace, twitter), Global Warming, Hurricane Katrina, Election of 1st African American President, the greatest entertainer Michael Jackson died. The list could go on and on and I’m amazed how fast this decade has gone by. I look back 10 years and I would have never dreamed I would be in the position I’m in right now. I was a 20 year old college baseball player who’s aspirations were to be playing baseball the rest of my life. Thank God He had a different plan. I look back and can see the influence different people have had in my life and see that Jeremiah 29:11 is certainly true. I can also look back and see where the devil has tried to destroy everything in my life.

Enough about the past let’s talk about the future. What is it that God has been calling you to do? Maybe it’s to step out and go into the ministry(after all we are all in ministry), it could be to start a new business that doesn’t make sense in this economic time, or maybe to get rid of that girlfriend or boyfriend, or marry that girlfriend or boyfriend, some of you God may be calling to step up and serve more. All I can encourage you to do in this next year and next decade is to seek God, get in the Word and go after Him not holding anything back. 2010 is going to be incredible at Fellowship Church. I can’t wait to see what God has in store for us. All I can say is you better hold on. Our goal is to make Hell a little less crowded.

What are you wanting to accomplish in 2010? Let us know by commenting.

I am going to post My New Year Resolve next week so all of you can hold me accountable.

Have a Merry Christmas

Mickey